Sitting in my room late one night at the beginning of 2017, looking out at the bus stop while having a Sainsbury cheese sandwich, I suddenly felt the strong magnetic pull of Beijing. I missed the bang of a good plate of jiaozi covered in vinegar and chilli, the film noir vibes of a late night taxi ride on the third ring road and the chaos of the sidewalks. I was thinking back to what made me go to China in the first place, and what I had loved so much about her capital. So much was calling me to return to the place that I had called home until 3 years ago. Listening to Beijing Beijing wasn’t helping, and so I started planning my move back. London was a cheese sandwich, Beijing a plate of niuroubing.
I landed in Beijing with an army duffle bag and my mom’s old pink suitcase, ready for another chapter in this dusty jungle. I was determined to find the real deal here and document it as much as possible. A few of my friends had stayed here, some got married others trying new industries. Apart from all the yellow and orange bikes and wechat pay, the city was still how I had left it. Now ten months later I am back to a routine and life is rather quiet.
A few weeks ago I was chatting to my eastern European mate who is married to a Beijinger, about the phenomenon of people coming back to China. I started thinking of my own journey to, away from and then back to Beijing. I thought of myself back in London while I was deciding if I should really go back. For all the cons such as air pollution and scarcity of roll on deodorant, the list of pros just kept growing and growing inside my mind.
I had come to Beijing in 2009 to improve my zhongwen and to learn more about this place and culture that fascinates me so much. I was coming back in 2017 to create something here, to look for the real deal Beijing or at least catch glimpses of it, and to keep exploring. There are those times when I cross the street here and cars seem to have a go at me, or when I get stared at from 30 cm away in a crowded lift at my apartment building or when I wait at the visa office to hear another reason I should come back again another day. Yet those are merely moments in a happy life in a dusty jungle. Houhai and the hutongs are always a short subway ride away, erhua is all around me and all I need to do is open my door, and there is a sense here that anything is possible.
To those who ask me why, I say why the f*** not. When you love someone, do you ask yourself why. No. When you love a city, that is enough of a reason to return. This city might have its rough edges, its wrinkles and be slightly too fond of the bottle, but it holds some mystery and some serious appeal to me. An ancient imperial capital, once rebuilt in a socialist fashion, is now (in many ways) super modern and ever increasingly a global city. Beijing has an edge, and I miss it whenever I go away.
